I've spent weeks trying to find "the perfect dress" to upstage other girlfriends at a wedding that's coming up. Yeah, I admit it. I want to dress better than (insert name here) at (insert function here). Hopefully, my vanity doesn't factor into the shitty karma I already have.
To my dismay, I can't rock spanx to this function, as it's a backless dress. I'll have to actually...gasp...work out?! I have 15 days to get rid of the love handles I've accumulated since I moved back to the midwest. It made me wonder how, less than a year ago, I rocked granny panties in public and pulled it off.
Yes, you read that correctly. Granny panties.
As a practical joke, one of my friends mailed me a "mysterious" package of granny panties while I lived in Florida. I know. We're freaks. Typically, the story would've gone something like, "ha ha...into the garbage you go," but I happened to receive her package during Halloween. Since I didn't have a costume, and I was in the best shape of my life, I decided to seize the moment. Or rather, seize the panties.
Incase you're wondering...I was going for "Retired Victoria's Secret Model." And yes, I had roll of toilet paper stuffed in each bra cup.
Unlike my favorite female comedian, Miss Whitney Cummings, I normally don't consider this the undergarment norm.
To my dismay, I can't rock spanx to this function, as it's a backless dress. I'll have to actually...gasp...work out?! I have 15 days to get rid of the love handles I've accumulated since I moved back to the midwest. It made me wonder how, less than a year ago, I rocked granny panties in public and pulled it off.
Yes, you read that correctly. Granny panties.
As a practical joke, one of my friends mailed me a "mysterious" package of granny panties while I lived in Florida. I know. We're freaks. Typically, the story would've gone something like, "ha ha...into the garbage you go," but I happened to receive her package during Halloween. Since I didn't have a costume, and I was in the best shape of my life, I decided to seize the moment. Or rather, seize the panties.
Incase you're wondering...I was going for "Retired Victoria's Secret Model." And yes, I had roll of toilet paper stuffed in each bra cup.
Unlike my favorite female comedian, Miss Whitney Cummings, I normally don't consider this the undergarment norm.
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